You know what’s deplorable? My genuine inability to remember the difference between Amber Rose and Ruby Rose. Like, up until this moment when I did some internet research (after having a second thought about this title), I thought that Amber Rose was the striking accented beauty that straight white girls would “go gay for” when she appeared in Orange is the New Black. I know–please stop, Lynn. Please get your act together. A quick Google slapped me in the face with the info that Amber Rose is in actuality a 5’9″ American model and actress (you know her from the racist/misogynistic people who don’t want her to be comfortable with her body).
Try to learn from my mistakes and figure this one out on your own. This is all to say that Brynne isn’t the only gal cookin’ up meals after we’ve gone separate ways! Although I was encouraged to make this meal (instead of eating another bowl of Honey Bunches) by my dearest mama, the titular lady Maura. We decided that we were going to have a gals night in consisting of a game of Quiddler (I won), a bottle of pink drink, a homemade dish, and 60 Minutes (Unfortunately, it was a re-run, so we ended up watching an episode of GLOW instead. Maura didn’t love it [Brynne’s note: Does Ellie know????!!!]). For the homemade portion of our evening, we decided to make Curried Lentils with Coconut Milk!
We started out with the chopping–Maura chopped an onion because of my sensitive eyes, and I used a fancy mincing tool to mince 2 cloves of garlic (note that my fingers still ended up smelling like garlic) and a tablespoon of fresh ginger. We then used a fancy crock pot (thanks, mom!) to sizzle these babies around with some spices–turmeric, coriander, and cumin–for ten minutes until the spices “were very aromatic.” I will note here that I obviously did not set a timer for ten minutes, as is my way, and when my mom asked how long we should let our spices & veggies simmer, she was incredibly disappointed in my Oscar-like behavior. But guess what? This girl’s nose twitched up a storm and she knew when it was time to add the lentils, etc!
The recipe calls for split red lentils, but we only had brown lentils (#galsonabudget), so we used those in combination with a carton of coconut milk (poured in, then filled with water to be poured in) and 1 tsp of salt because Maura had already put in a tsp salt earlier. That’s just the way she does things. Then we turned the heat to high and waited for that baby to boil, boil, toil, and trouble, bitches! When it did, we noticed that there was like a lot of liquid in there, but not to worry! The recipe assured us that it would cook down. Duh. 20 minutes, some stirring, and 1 game of Quiddler later, we were ready to slather our lentils on top of some rice (we used brown, but jasmine would’ve been better), pop a store-bought piece of naan in the toaster (sacrilegious behavior), and enjoy our ladies meal and wrestling (not really) show!
We loved it! Maura suggested that because we used brown lentils, they were a little tougher and needed a bit longer to cook, but we thought it was fun that they gave a little crunch. We also decided that next time, we would include another veggie, like a carrot or cauliflower. It was so yum though–and I’m not just saying that because in the moment I was high on the glory of my card game win! I just had another bowl for lunch and it was still delicious and ginger-y! I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to see how Brynne’s going to top this one!
Brynne’s note: Jus